The Daily Tribulations of a modern day teenager

The eventful month that was May

2009-07-12T00:10:00.000-07:00

So ,my vacations are nearing a close now. It's been an eventful one and half months(stretching in2 june). As expected, it has revived my spirit and health, and was definitely what I needed after a hectic 6 months in gandhinagar. So how was it eventful ? Well, apart from my rejuvenatedgrowth of facial hair, I've been eating tons and tons of all the stuff that I missed back in Gandhinagar.

As usual, woke up everyday to the yells of my parents :P. But that's part of the expereince here :) The yells, the clatter in the kitchen, the malayalam songs blaring out from the TV, the little squabbles with my brother, the generation gap squabbles with my parents, the secret phone conversations with arya, the pure carefree outings with my friends all just add to and reiterate the feeling of being Home. And I love it !

But apart from all that, there are a few habits which I've picked up, a few which I dropped, a few which I revisited and dusted off and an angel who entered my life though it was only for a brief period of time .

First of all, everywhere I looked on the internet, there was one hot topic. How Twitter is a site with a difference and how it helps people in keeping track of the others. Be it MTV, Shashi Tharoor, Mallika Sherawat, Ashton Kutcher, John Mayer, everybody is loving it. So I decided to try it out. And voila, next thing you know, I got addicted :) It's really a site with a difference. Plain and simple layouts and comes across as a daily blog more than anything else. And what with my pure callousness when it comes to writing blogs, Twitter suited me just well. And I loved it. I recommend every netizen out there to try it. :)

The world around me had gone berserk in the last few months, and I was losing the plot. I would have nearly gone crazy had it not been for one person. Arya :) she was the one who always kept me grounded and the one who did all the backseat driving in my life :) and I'm extremely grateful to her. At the risk of sounding extremely corny, I am gonna say that my world revolves around her. And one thing she's been nagging me to do is to write a book. Although I dont consider myself a good author and despite the fact that I realise that even if I write a book, no decent book publishing company would give it a second read, I started writing for her. I know it will be nothing great, but I don't really give a rat's ass as to what the world thinks about it. But I just wanna make her happy :) This one's for you chom chom :) ( I like to let her think that she is in control :) )

Now coming to one of the most talked about decisions of mine to leave competitive CS. Well, talking about the marvel of Twitter, I won a SteelSeries headset thanks ot Twitter ! yep tat's rite. But then I was left wondering , what the hell would I do with a gaming headset now?! Pondering over my decision to quit cs for a couple of days, I decided to give it a re-think. I started playing cs again , and to my surprise my game felt a lot better than before. It was like I had never left. So I've decided to play again,but this time as a free agent. Time would tell where this leads me.

But most importantly, the incident that touched me the most was the life and death of Soha, my kitten. My brother had found it in the street, lying helpless, destitute. We decided to bring it home. Because there wasn't anyone else who had the time to manage her, I took care of her. She was literally my baby. There were times when I felt like a mother when she took her first nimble steps, times when I went mad when she cried and woke the house up and times I felt she was my very own flesh and blood. I pampered her, protected her and had dreams of her growing up to be a beautiful house-cat. But barely a week later, she died, lying at my very own feet. I would never forget her, her beady eyes, her soft paws and all the happiness she had brought me. As I keep saying to myself that she was too beautiful for this world , I still have a feeling of guilt . Was it something I did that caused her death? Was the milk I fed her the cause for her death? I guess I'll never know, but one thing I know for sure, this has killed my belief in God for good. R.I.P Soha.

Well I'm sorry I have to end it on a sad note, but that's about it folks. Well a new academic year awaits, I'm riding into the dark, into unforeseen circumstances with only a halo of love over me for protection.

Luv ya guys :)

Back home

2009-06-12T05:08:00.001-07:00

I'm back home guys...this sem has been long and tiring..my interns got over...I was just refused an internship at KRL for reasons known to them... gettin back my weight with maggi :P..oh btw, I've quit clan cs...for the time being.. lets c wat happens

Luv ya guys :)

Labour Pain

2009-02-17T02:14:00.000-08:00

In life, it takes tremendous patience and concentration to be dedicated 24*7 to something you feel passionately for. And it takes tons more patience and a hell of a lot of adjustment to still feel the same passion for it when it starts taking a heavy toll on your personal life. But growing up, I've been taught to never give hope on something or someone you love. Attempting my best to sound modest, I am saying with infinte pride and sincerity that I've never given up hope on anyone or anything I love. But not once in my mind did I ever think that people would give up hope on me. But that's happened. People with whom I've shared every ounce of knowledge I have on our common object of interest have betrayed me for greener patches. These are people with whom I've pursued something with all the passion I could muster; trying my best to never disappoint them,to the extent of ignoring all those near and dear to me, cutting down on the time I spent with my loved ones. Now I repent those days. I've been left out in the cold by them for reasons best known to them. And as I shiver in this terrible blizzard, all I have with me are my loved ones who still stick with me. But I am not gonna give up on this passion....the flame still burns within me...a flame so strong ,it would overpower the cold and annihilate the darkness. I am starting all over again...but this time I wont compromise on her...not any more to be left out again.... Like a mother giving birth to a baby, I am in labour pain..

The Loss of Someone Special...

2009-01-01T05:09:00.000-08:00

there was this guy...the epitome of sadness...the year tat passed was very cruel to him...he lost nearly everything..including hope that things wud change. But on new year's day..
there was a spcl some1 who came to his life...
she was very beautiful..now... this some1 spread joy everywhere she
went with her beauty..
but she was sick..
very very sick..
she came to him just to make him happy b4 she left dis world
just to remind him about how beautiful but short life is..and to never
give up on it..
but he didnt know she was sick..
he welcomed her into his home..his world..
he was very happy with the sight of her..
but then she collapsed and fell ill in his arms..
he grew real real worried..
and he waited on her to open her eyes and smile...and tell him tat
she'd be fine..
but she didn't..
he kept her warm...she still didn't open her eyes...and she looked so
beautiful even then..
he realised she was seriously ill...
he took her to the hospital...
he urged the dctr to act fast and save her..
the dctr checked her..he diagnosed her with a fatal brain disease..
she was barely breathing..
but he didnt want to let her go..
so he asked the dctr for whatever help he cud to save her..
the dctr ask him to get some medicines..for her..
he ran to get them..
he wanted to cling on to any hope...however little of saving her...from death
in a sense delaying it for a little longer.....just to see her open her eyes
he got the medicines...
he ran as fast as he could..but what he saw when he reached there was
the dejected face of the dctr..
the dctr came close to him and told him tat it was too late..
she passed away just after opening her eyes
he broke down..he had barely known her
but y did he feel so attached to her?
maybe because she was a thing of immense beauty and happiness..
maybe because rarely in one's life does one come across such a thing
of beauty...
mayb he felt she was sent to give him a lifebouy of happiness when he
was being swept under the torrential current of sorrow and
disappointment
he still didnt know..
but he knew one thing for sure...
she wudn't grace this world ever again..
he knew he was lucky to be the one she spent her last beautiful day to
spend with
he got up..wiped the tears and walked away...
knowing...deep inside...
tat she had come for a purpose
to give him a sense of belonging in this cruel world..
to give him the strength to handle all his relationships..
and he left....stronger inside...
knowing nothing could upset him more than the loss of a loved one...
****** THE END******

It's the season to be jolly !! :/

2008-12-23T00:08:00.000-08:00

Hey, long time no see monsieur !!!

Ya it's been a long time since I've posted..and I have a reason too...well not really..writing down tidbits of whatever is running through my mind and hoping against all hope that people wud go thru them(which they don't) has kinda lost it charm ;)...hehe...na well seriously I love it..but I've been caught up wid a lot of stuff which has driven me to the point of absolute insanity that I had spent the last few months getting my life back on track. So really didn't get the time for blogging.

Anyways I won't trouble you with my harrowing, embarrassing and depressing experiences anymore...well atleast not this week anyways :) since it's CHRISTMAS people !!!

Just reaching out to all the people in the world and wishing everyone a very happy holiday season... don't screw up like me please will ya ~!!! hehe

And I am here for FREE HUGS !
Cheers

Luv ya guys :)

My Movies Spree!

2008-06-29T00:12:00.000-07:00

They say boredom makes u do a lot of wierd things right. Well I've been damn bored sitting at home all day and oh boy,I've been doing some pretty wierd things! I've recently been goin on a movie spree...watching movies day in and day out.And for those who know me, that's quite a leap from sleeping in the movie hall. I've been seeing so much movies on my laptop that it really has turned into a neo-age media center!
So I just completed "Phir Milenge" yesterday. The movie was good. It was the second time I was watching it. No, it's not one of my favourites. I thought it lacked a punch that 'Philadelphia' delivered so well. The intentions were gud and it was a commendable effort. The story was believable for once. The scene in which Salman Khan passes away moved me to tears.

Ok, then moving on and leaving my embarrassing emotions behind, I saw 'Dus Kahaniyaan'which left me wondering why I saw it in the first place! The biggest mystery of all among the ten stories was where the hell did my remote go!(I watched it on TV)...Well ok ok, "Rise and Fall" was saved for the ending and was the pick of the lot, though it was a tad bit predictable..

On the other hand, I did see some remarkable films like "The Pursuit of Happyness" and "Blood Diamond" which broke my streak of bad films which started with "Woodstock Villa" and ended with "One-Way Ticket"(Malayalam!) (oops!)..

Watch this space for more :) Cheers! Ciao!

Musings about home..

2008-06-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

I've just returned home after a month long internship in kutch..yea that's ryte..kutch!! Dunno wat was running thru the director's mind when he enrolled us for a rural internship...i mean practically there is no useful purpose to this..the clg just wants an excuse to waste our parents hard earned money ( yeah, i'm becoming more responsible ;-) !!) and then increase our fees which is already, bloody touching the roof!...

Ok..calming down a notch...well...hmm//..yeah..phew...

K..we stayed in bhuj for the internship..and i and a guy whom i barely even knew from clg where grouped together to go to a place called BOLADI which was, believe it or not, so small that it cudnt be found on even the most refined map!! fucking brilliant! We stayed there in an NGO called SETU which provides all sorts of help to the villagers nearby. We were supposed to 'understand' how they worked! Well, we reached there...and bloody hell it creeped me out..!! I mean...kasam se! The place was located in the middle of nowhere !! I broke down the moment I saw it! Oh, but things get even worse...wait for it...THERE WAS NO NETWORK COVERAGE! That was the limit I didnt want to stay there!! No way man!....but after talking to Arya and my mom and dad, I decided what the heck, might as well stay here for a month...who knows, might have some fun..

Well the place didnt turn out so bad u know..the guy i was sent out with was nice..! had lotsa fun wid him...plus the ppl at SETU where nice too...except for all that Gujarati which blew my mind! I still can't go past kem cho and su che! hehe... Well the month dragged on slow..coz i was either sleeping or working in the kitchen!! yeah tats ryte...but no heavy cooking..just cutting and tat sort of stuff...however one day i got my 'break' and i made rotlis! Don't ask me how they turned out! More like states of India than circles !! Anyways we barely had any work there...So sometimes I went to bhuj to spend time wid arya..tat was about it...

But the climate did take its toll on me...i've come back with a tan and i look 8 kgs the lighter!!

The phenomenon called......COUNTER STRIKE!!!!

2008-01-30T01:49:00.000-08:00

So, I've been hearing all about this big craze called CS for the past 4 years.....and finally i got to try it out here...and guess wat , I'M HOOKED!!!!!. The thing is just amazing..... Load your guns, and kill anything that comes in your sight...simple ryte???...uh! uh!! wrong answer!!!....The game is like bloody freaking chess!!!!! U need skill which comes with experience and u need a damn good strategy... and tats just the surviving part..killing is a whole different ball game....

well i've been playing for a couple of months now, and i g2 say, im gettin good at dis...The magnum is my favourite for obvious reasons...We had a cs tournament last week ...no big upsets, we went out in the first round!!!..But, we'll show them next time aroung....grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

My life, my love, my everything..

2008-01-30T01:40:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i feel so down, so emotionally drained, so physically exhausted, that I just feel like packing up and going home....But the only thing that keeps me here is her....my angel...U know u never really know what love is until u experience it....And all this time I actually thought I was falling in love over and over again, when all i was doing was making a fool of myself. But then she came along and turned my world upside down. Yeah sounds like the lyric from a Micheal Bolton song, but, it's true. She was like a breath of fresh air in my life...I've had enough of all the supermodel types when all I was looking for her was some1 simple and sweet and caring like her. She's the centre of my universe now. Her smile lifts my spirits , she's always been there by my side, holding my hand like i'm her child and guiding me. I'll do everything to protect her from the glare of the world. It's an evil world out there, but I'll let nothing happen to her....coz she's precious....she's my angel....

Finally...a post!!!

2008-01-29T00:59:00.000-08:00

I realise it's been 6 months since my last post...wut happened in those 6 months???....well, a HELLUVA LOT !!!!! College started...not as exciting as i hoped...fell in love...started a mini rebellion...and realised that engineering is not my cup of tea!!!!...Now its a struggle to survive....struggle to interpret what the hell ur teachers are saying or rather trying to say in their own brand of english...life's changed...hell yeah...watch this space for more.....btw i've survived one semester...the tale continues...lols :-p

Goodbye/Alvida/Ciao

2007-08-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my last day here. Tomorrow I bid adieu to the place that gave so much to me. Tomorrow I embark upon a new journey, an adventure if u may. Tomorrow I leave.

This place gave me so much memories. Some I'll cherish for life. I made friends here. I also made enemies. I've met people who call a spade , a spade. I've met people who backstab you every chance they get. I've fallen in love a dozen times over. I've fallen out of love even more. I've waged many battles here. I've won some, lost some. But this place taught me to love, to stand up, to fight and to cherish. Bidding adieu to my home is emotionally very hard. But its a decision I am bound to make sooner rather than later. To all the people and all the friends I made here, you'll all remain close to my heart....thanx for helping me up when I've felt like collapsing down. Thanks for changing me for the better or worse. But most of all, thanks for the memories.....Alvida

Mindscape

2007-08-10T05:49:00.000-07:00

You know sometimes your mind wanders and you think of all the things that could have been, that should have been, that would have been and sometimes your mind breaks out of the retrospective reverie to think of things that shall come in the future.
The future....mysterious...elusive and so appealing to the curious human mind. Many prophecise, many listen, many question. The future has always been an enigma with mankind. The future has never failed to grasp my imagination. I sometimes ponder over the events that are yet to happen. And I must admit, although I am not proud of it, I believe in astrology...yes , in this modern day and age, astrology still has that retro appeal to it.Or it does in my case. And I've been fortunate enough to be born on a date that specifically doesnt subscribe to any zodiac sign. July 22. This makes me a cancer - leo cusp. And since I am very crabby, I have a proclivity to consider myself a Cancerian.

So as I was saying, I've had a sort of inexplicable fascination with the future...(my past and present are nothing great to talk about!). I often wonder what I would be doing , say after 7 years, I often picture myself as successful, happily married with a beautiful wife and a career which takes me places. But I know things dont often work out the way you plan it too.

Most often I picture something in a relative sense. Who would captain India this time after 3 years for instance, and I envision myself at that time too. The more often I think about the future, however, the more it reminds me of my present and what I need to work on to get anywhere near what I envisioned. That more than anything else keeps me going , striving for greater pinnacles because I already know what the flipside is...It's a reality I am all too familiar with.

A tribute to B.O.B.Y

2007-08-04T03:20:00.000-07:00

Since I am leaving for gujarat in a week's time...I knew tat it would be impossible to meet them all and bid adieus...so i thought it better to do something fun, and came up with a video..a tribute to the class that changed me( the guys tat changed me) and gave me evrything....(P.S we still havent figured out y we named it B.O.B.Y - Biology and Biology only!!..)... So here it is..To the guys and gals of B.O.B.Y

Fun???!...What does that even mean?????

2007-07-31T21:36:00.000-07:00

Lately in my life, dementors are running havoc.....get the drift???...I can't get no satisfaction!! ( Now y does that sound vaguely familiar???)..Anyways, nowadays everything I do is lacking that 'thing' if u'd like to call it... I aint having no fun. I thought the cousins coming over would help...evidently not!!..But hey, it leaves me with more time to blog..:-)..no even that doesnt work....and why does modern porn suck so bad??? ...But well, I am still orkutting...strong on that front ( Go Orkut!)...
Meeting new ppl has brightened me up...just last day i met a guy who's gonna be in ma coll. who loves led zep!!! Ain't that wonderful?? They dont make guys like me and him anymore...or do they???? WELL THAT'S IT IM TOTALLY SCREWED UP....CYA LIFE!!

Cousins for company

2007-07-30T06:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my cousins arrived from Seattle. Well they haven't changed much coz the last time they visited was barely a year ago. Everytime they come around we have a blast!!! Hope that happens this time around too....and i pray that me turning 18 recently wud'nt make me feel awkward with them who are, lets just say, kinda part of another generation...Coz they r gonna be the only fun I'll be having for quite some time...

Ashes to ashes .....dust to dust...

2007-07-29T04:03:00.000-07:00

To hell with my shitty , candy flossed love stories.....I am done with all that crap....im taking life as it comes and facing it like a man from now on...

Now let me tell you about the incident that brought about this change in my outlook( if u know me it's an earth-shattering epoch-making change...hell yeah!!! )..... Yesterday was VOX POPULI - 2007 conducted by us, the OLD STUDENTS ASSOCIATION of VIDYODAYA. It was one helluva an event...I tell you , it was ROCKING!!!... But what was even more wonderful was all that happened after it was over.... Our Principal (i've never thought of her with so much respect!) actually congratulated us for, what she described, as the best VOX ever....( And here we were thinking she was sanguivorous cannibal!!!) The emotions just overflowed like an ebbing sea from then on....And for the first time in a long time, ...we cried! The entire reality that we just managed our last event together, had barely managed to sink in, that our tear glands were doing overtime....

Then I realised, there's more to life than mushy puppy love....there are other things worth living for, fighting for......They say experiences make a man...and if that's true...Im well on my way to being one!!!!

my first moblog

2007-06-04T21:02:00.001-07:00

well with my exams finally over .. i now have time on my hands to restart my blogging and what better way to do it than from my new mobile . yup my first moblog as i'd like 2 call it. and as far as my love life goes it still stinks

A dysfunctional family...mine...

2007-02-12T06:41:00.000-08:00

My mom's gone beserk............today was the second day in arow when she lost it.........Me and my bro where playing soccer out in the yard whent the ball bounced off the turf and hit one of the windows...but nuthin happened to the window....and all of a sudden my mom comes out screaming at the top of her lungs and banging her head... And before we knew it we were shouting at each other with the neighbours clearly listening in......I cant understand her...its beyond my level of comprehension...why should she be screaming for absolutely no reason...yes we had our fights before, but nuthin close to wut happened today...I had no idea this was comin.....I really dont need this right now...

Phew! That was a breeze...

2007-02-10T05:25:00.000-08:00

Today i had the last of my board practicals...it was dreaded chemistry...but it went without a hitch.....the other practicals were equally easy.....Now that's done, I can finally get back to blogging......So... U remember the girl I was talking bout,...I mean the one i really am into....Well I think I've fallen for her....She's been supporting me all through my exams and I want her to support me for the rest of my life and I wanna show her my love .......I just might reveal my feelings on Valentine's...........But that is if i dont get cold feet...'coz this gives me some serious nerves.....First I think I'd tell my friends bout her and see how they think coz they've been an integral part of my life now and have helped me past my previous heartaches......

Parents...

2007-01-26T01:43:00.000-08:00

What is it with parents and expectations?...One instant they r laughing at some joke u make and the next instant they become so disappointed in u that u get the feeling u r the joke.....I dunno man, my mom keeps frowning at me everytime I play my ps2, listen to my iPod or read a novel coz she expects me to be studying all the time....I know I am satisfied with my study schedule and timings but why the hell is she not........Nowadays all i see her doin is frown.......Its time I ignored her and stop worrying bout this and get on wid my life....

Shilpa needs a life

2007-01-19T05:23:00.000-08:00

U know wut the say bout the curious cat right? Well, Shilpa went fishing in the UK and got put down bad ...real bad....She went there hoping to get noticed and butter up some producers and well she got more than just get noticed.......Make no mistake I am totally against racism and I am proud of my country....but Shilpa Shetty doesnt represent Indianness ....she is not ,in the true sense of the word, an Indian 'nari'....She doesnt have the will or the wit to stand up and slug it out.....When some one-off domineering 'celebrity' named Jane Goody asks her to go back to the slums. she should have had the guts to say "yeah? well up yours!!" ....I mean , the modern day Indian woman is supposed to be strong and staunch....And after she retracted her statement about being racially abused for god-knows-what- reason, I lost all respect for her as an individual, as an Indian......Yes racism has always been an issue with Indians in the UK, but no self respecting woman,let alone Indian, would backtrack like she just did........And I think its a big charade with the Indian govt. getting involved, they've got more important problems than helping an all too beauty conscious starlet who breaks down in a reality tv show....face it thats what reality tv is all about....I think Shilpa should grow up and fight or just back out and stop wasting our time....Now I dont even care if she goes on to win...coz in my eyes she's got no self respect....U can't blame the show ....but U can blame the casting director who obviously didnt do his homework....!

Well at last something went well...

2007-01-18T18:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my bio pract. exam....had my fingers crossed ......and thank God it went well...I even managed to prepare a decent slide.....last time i broke down 'coz i couldnt take an epidermal peeling properly....but that didnt happen this time around....now all my exams are over and all I have remaining is the Boards....now I have my study hols.....hopefully I would sit down and study instead of thinking of girls.....my posts my start becoming less frequent...but hopefully I would keep u up to date on my life in which nuthin's really happening......

Chemistry ain't my style

2007-01-17T06:02:00.000-08:00

Hey there ppl,
I had my chem practical exam today.....and i sucked real bad....might have been my worst ever.....When I entered the lab and saw the grinning face of my teacher, all that i prepared went out the window for good......My titrating expt. was messy, first I forgot to add a reagent, then i drop the fractional weights i borrowed from someone else and they scattered all over the floor...u know how small those things are......I was all nerves and weak in the knees.....Then my salt analysis went completely disastrously ....On top of that I got hammered for the viva.....and I came off with a measly 19 out of a possible 30 (yes that is measly)........now i have my bio practicals tomorrow....hope the microscopes dont give me trouble........But the day ended for me on a positive note.....I saw the australian open match b/w baghdatis and and gael i-forgot-his-last-name.....and the latter put on an amazing show and beat the odds despite an injury.....proving that if u want something badly the whole universe conspires in your favour....hope i can pull off a miracle tomorrow...wish me luck

Ash and abishek huh?

2007-01-15T22:53:00.000-08:00

Well the news is out AB's baby and Aishwarya Rai are engaged.The whole history of their romance sounds quite filmy....I mean, falling in love while shooting , getting engaged after a premiere..... . Being a hopelessly romantic teenager, I've always pictured falling in love and how mine would be a fairytale relationship...but my last girlfriend brought me down to earth...let's just say it didnt work out very well with my parents finding out...and i was insecure all the time....a recipe for disaster...!
But somehow i miss being in her company...u can say i am a little naive........but hey thats the way i am....but i am over all of that...i mean the mushy stuff. But I've got some1 else in my life, some1 who is a sharp contrast with my ex. She cares a lot bout me, and i've fallen for her. Everyday i wait for her messages with angst. I know she cares about me...but she's got no idea about my feelings for her...she's so sweet....but there's some part of my brain which shouts out loud that I miss my ex.....God my life is sounding more filmy each passing day...it's now like a love triangle ...but the problem is I dont know if any of them have feelings for me...God, I am all screwed up....My train of thought led me from the ash abshishek engagement to my stinking love life.......This is y I always maintain that news channels should keep such issues low key or many more dumb idiots like me across the country would have this same stinking train of thought as mine....
Wut the hell? I've got my xam 2mrw and all i can think about is this girl i care about...i hope its worth it...coz i plan to tell this to her the moment i get the chance...or do u guys think i shouldnt and play the waiting game....and wut is the issue with my ex....I need some feedback people!

My first post...not sure wut to post

2007-01-15T05:10:00.000-08:00

Hey ppl,
My name is Jayanth and I am from Cochin , India...well, actually a suburb called Aluva. Its a typical storybook small town minus the friendly neighbours. Well, life here has startes to drag ever since I've turned 17 and that was a year ago. Maybe its because I feel like a caged bird with no outlet for my emotions. The only time I am me is when i am with my friends..oh, by the way I go to a pretty big school and this is our last year being in 12th and stuff....i am gonna miss my friends terribly.
But all I do at home is watch reality tv and listening to my ipod...i tried to learn the guitar to pass the time but thats put on hold; my xams are near...I am your typical confused kid in a state of transition...maybe thats y i am a misfit at home....